Poetry
A clouded mind collapsed on parapets,
Those cascading streaks of green and orange.
Thought I could straddle the heights forever.
A sun, never setting
Complete in its lustre - independent
Of all nocturnal vengeance or myth.
Perhaps this is my extenuating reversal,
I am beyond overdue by now.
Perhaps these are the talons of change
Digging in and awakening those colossal limits.
Must I spurt out old sides of me?
A punishment far foreign and futile.
I lie watching the horizon
Leaning on last night’s familiarity,
Hope and dread clinging to my lungs
As the dawn of my next year presents itself
Choking hazards and all.
I settle into my trepidation,
The ill-executed leaps that could send my body
Catapulting down tunnels I swore I’d never travel.
June of Jared
One month’s choking discrepancies
No understanding beyond thirty days
Your tanned skin scraped from riding with the boys
I tentatively hold your waist
Two bodies traversing through foreign landscapes
And then, all too quickly
Your slender fingers work their way round
Heat pressed between us
Getting off on the ambiguity of it all
My nails slide through your golden hair
I’d always liked blondes the best
The sun struck our skin like needles
Blazing and burning a deep orange
Our arms hanging about, congealing
Madness sinking in as madness often does
I exhume my thoughts from your face
Reds and oranges drip down your skin
I’d rather watch the sun set this way
How the globs of light feather from one brow
To the next.
There are many days when I hate your smirk
Where I want nothing more than
To dig my nails into your skin
And let loose.
The lights ebb and flow
And I forget all about even yesterday
All new dimensions put into place
And I wonder
I wonder if I were to turn our positions
If you’d love my face for the first time in months
If you’d watch the globs and their
Sensual movements
Summer in the City
The tumultuous grind of the New York summer
Sticky and unsanitary
Writhing in leathered lust and warm water
Liquid peeling off the panels of every
Brick and mortar
My thighs stick together and I parade in a body
That feels it gained ten pounds with the
Changing of seasons
The cold breeze replaced with moans and
A suffocating heat
Oversized nipples poke out through my shirt
Wicked men licking their sanctimonious lips
I keep headphones in so they won’t speak
I have no greater protection
From their stagnant thoughts that seep in
Far faster than I can cleanse my being
With holy drops of sweat
Sweat that gathers in the small of my back
And melts down every now and then
Soft and saturnine
Beckoning my body to lie down
And lament over ruined hairdos and last night
Where drunkenness took hold and another
Loveless night was spent dancing and smoking
To a beat I didn’t even enjoy
Oh, the tumultuous grind of the New York summer
Sultry and mediocre
Indecent in its proposal
Inadequate at best
Horticulture Of The Mind
I turn ripe in the fingers of my own hands
Careening left and right to fill the spaces
So long had I thought there was an answer
A place or savior to make it all surmount
To more than hunched, hungover, horrified
Loneliness and unrequited circumstance
So long had tomorrow held such promise
Summer grew faint, Autumn on its way
The air gaining a delicate breeze
As my mind turned, hacking itself to pieces
Permanently pruning the insides
And tearing through the thickets and vines
That had so long grown untamed
I awoke to a different me
My mind that of a child
Wonder and excitement running rampant
The atrocities of my own self nonexistent
A child knows only itself and the present morning
An adult knows hypotheticals and doubt
Vines may grow back and skies may cloud
But I now carry an axe and a plough
My head, collapsed
Broken by the words I once knew
The insufficiencies around being sufficient
And you - A tooth coming loose in the back
Of your head, hanging.
I told you to go to the doctor
You said no, this gives you an edge.
“I won’t kiss you like that”
And you reply that my lips are not
What you need.
Do you understand anything?
The ways my tongue folds over and
Laments down the sides of my fingers?
I do not know joy,
But I know you and if that is all the certainty
I need to succeed in this world
Then so be it.
I bought a swiffer and a bottle of poppers
They’re helping me quit smoking.
You laugh as I inhale because surely
This is much worse for my brain.
I prune back the flowers you bought for me,
Turning them over on their spines,
Caressing the thorns and feeling how they stab
At my fingers - the ones you said were so ugly.
Too small and awfully stubby,
I bought rings for every finger so you’d
Be forced to pay attention to them.
It’s raining outside and we hold down the fort
Under the blankets of my small bedroom.
I tell you everything you’ve done to hurt me,
This takes hours and all I can see
Are your eyes glued to my ceiling,
Darting back and forth when you turn to me
“This would all be a lot easier if you learned to listen”
I jab out your eyes before getting up
To go make some coffee.
The Sun, One Of My Many Friends
Streaking down the windows
Thick plumps of oozing liquid
Smoke beating from my door as
We gas our insides
Heavy summer air leads to lazy days
One after the next sequential - but not
We stick to each other
Skin to skin and sweat to sweat
Lying intertwined in underwear and tanks
Because anything less would be sinful
As flies buzz around last night’s alcohol
The rays poke through and say their “hellos”
The sun, one of my many friends
Has decided to show up once again today
And so, life springs on accordingly
Crater
There was a crater carved in my mind today.
I tried to pry it or pull it away.
But it sat like they do,
And it weighed on my mind like a socket
With no eyeball to fill or chew.
I showed it to my mother,
I thought maybe she could find a way.
She looked at it uninterested,
Told me to figure it out
And soon.
I bit my lip and pulled in my stomach
To the point that I felt only ribs.
I walked forward slowly with caution,
But the pain was too strong
I tripped.
I walked past the living room,
Father entranced by the usual news.
I didn't go in to inform him,
That my mind might be beginning
To snooze.
He wouldn't have a response though,
He would just frown and shake his head.
The beer in his hand like a trophy,
For his love that was always unsaid.
I was crawling now as I moved,
My head weighing more than the house.
I think bugs began crawling inside there,
I clawed desperately to get them out.
I made it to the winding staircase,
If this was it I'd rather be in my room.
I couldn't lift the weight of my body though,
So I sat as it all turned blue.
The pain increased as it all went away,
But relief came along with the bruise.
I could feel liquid pooling around me,
So my last action was to take off my shoes.